This week has been full of growth for me. Time feels so odd here at the MTC. I feel like I've been gone for months, but it's not even been 2 weeks. The MTC is quite a multicultural place. Everyone says 'hello' in their own languages which is pretty fun. All of the Samoans sing in groups, whenever there is a break and I wish that I could be Samoan, pretty much on a daily basis.
( I feel like I've oversimplified my thoughts, but I hope this still makes sense.) Last night I wrote in my journal:
"I believe in the power of journeys: personal journeys, spiritual journeys, and even physical journeys. There is so much to be learned, and these journeys that life offers us are incredible opportunities for growth. We chose what to take away from difficult things, whether positive or negative. I believe in growth being a process. I wish I could emphasize that even more. This relates to growth inside or outside of the church. It relates to personal growth and growth in relationships. Line upon line. As an LDS people, we make bold claims about truth, but we must stay humble and realize that if we had everything-all knowledge, that we would be God-like, all-knowing, which certainly isn't the case. There are many concepts in the gospel that I do whole-heartedly believe, and many that are harder for me to accept, but i am again, on a spiritual journey in which I am growing at my own pace.
I believe in self-discipline. Being at the MTC has helped me understand this concept even better and has strengthened my belief in the practice of self-discipline. "
I've been studying the concept of 'faith' in my personal study, and I feel much more enlightened by it. I'm studying the concept of 'grace' now and I hope to continue to grow in that area.
I'm grappling with the concept of the atonement, in terms of 'how' this process works. How does one divine man suffer the sins or pains of another? What kind of transfer occurs, when feelings of guilt/shame/sadness are replaced with feeling of hope/love/charity? Please write me/email me if you have any ideas on this. I understand that it is a concept of faith, but I'm really interested in understanding this more. I understand the 'why' of this, but not the 'how.'
I had scriptures that I wanted to include, but i forgot my study journal! yikes! Maybe next week.