internalizing, ever internalizing

kamusta,

 

This week has gone by fast! We heard from Russell M. Nelson and his wife, who I think Mom knows? They both gave super insightful talks. Wendy Nelson talked about working "not after the manner of men." She gave an example in 1 Nephi 17:8, of the command "to construct a ship, after the manner which I shall thee." It left with me with a lot to think about. Elder Nelson ended his talk by playing a recording of an incredibly beautiful song called 'Alleluia.' I don't know who composed it, but it was so chilling and beautiful.  

 

 We had our in-field orientation yesterday which was really helpful in many aspects. We leave in 2 days with over a day of traveling! Yes! I am so oddly excited to make a fool of myself, trying to speak Tagalog to Filipinos. I'll probably be introducing myself to whatever ward I'm in, next Sunday in Tagalog. If anything, it'll be entertaining. I am excited to being meeting and working with these beautiful people.

 

 I've been learning a lot about pride and the important link between humility and growth. Pride is so often manifested in an over-abiding attitude of opposition. I realized that I would often place myself in opposition to people or even an idea, not because they were wrong, but simply because I didn't understand them. For me, this relates to a lot of gospel principles, in the fact that just because there is a lack of understanding, it doesn't mean that it's wrong. "I don't understand, but I want to," seems to be maybe a better approach-more faith. I think faith cause us to internalize our beliefs, maybe more so than if we could rely on other senses.

 

I was also thinking about John 5:31-38 and how many times 'witness' is mentioned. It seems to be pretty important.

 

(COOL articles for anyone, but especially Katja-- "Chiasmus in the Book of Mormon" by John W. Welch, and "Hebrew Literary Patterns in the Book of Mormon" and I forgot to write down the author's name for that one! oops. Both are really interesting! )

 

Also, apparently anything other than USPS for packages is super expensive when I go and pick it up there. Hopefully, I shouldn't need anything big sent though.

 

 

marami pagmamahal,

 

Sister Vickers

Pagpapakumbaba

Kamusta,

 

First off, we got our travel plans yesterday, which I 'm sure you couldn't even imagine my reaction to. In other words-excitement (!!!!!!!!)

 

I'm going from Salt Lake-Los Angeles on the 28th at 4:55 pm. I have a long layover and then we fly to Seoul, Korea and then to Manila. I'll get to Manila around 11 am, their time on the 30th.

 

I got a package from my dear friend, Brittni who's serving in Boise, ID right now. amazing woman.

 

Last Sunday at church, Elder Leavitt (from my zone) and I sang a duet, 'Nearer, my god to thee.' It went well!  I'm singing more now too, because I don't have my music.

 

 Earlier this week, I was feeling peculiar about the effects of being a religious person. I wrote in my journal this week, "There's an irrational aspect of believing and then acting on something that typically doesn't appeal to our physical senses, which would be a bit more explanable at least. Our spiritual awareness and spiritual sense is a bit more vague and maybe undefinable in many ways. I realized that this relates so much to the effect that art (in multiple forms) and music has on us. Why it brings people to excitement/tears/humility, etc. is unexplanable, but nobody could deny their effect, and thus their validity." It seems like religion gives people something that keeps them believing despite it being irrational to explain fully. That is true for me, but I wouldn't be able to explain it via an email.

 

 Earlier this week, Sister Stromberg and I sticky noted my entire body so that we could learn body parts in Tagalog!

 

Tiyan=stomach (Tian, I think of you every time I say that word!)

 

My absolute favorite word so far is 'dibdib.' It means 'chest.' The best things about that word is that it is perfectly symmetrical. The chest is generally thought of as a center/midline for the body. YES.

 

A lot of Tagalog words have similar meanings. It's pretty exciting, that many words are associated with each other.

 

Bunga= fruit, result

Kasalanan=sin, guilt

Biyaya= blessing, grace

 

OKloveyoubye.

One Great Whole

PPPS. I leave November 28, and I should get my travel plans in 6 days! Yes!

Hi everyone,

 

This week has been dramatically better than last week. I was able to meet with my branch president. We talked for an hour and a half, about questions I've had about a few things. I was surprised by his perceptive qualities as well as his sensitivity to my needs. He has wondered and struggled with similar questions as I have. "Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you."  amen. amen. amen.

 

My migraines have subsided. I only have a cold, and even though i've been sick most of this week, I feel emotionally much better and somehow strangely stronger than before- a definite gift from God.

 

I am often so so impatient when it comes to wanting to know the answers to my questions and wanting to see it now. I'm finding that spiritual knowledge requires spiritual awareness. That awareness is beyond physical sight, sound, touch, etc. It's a bit more difficult than that. When I feel like I lack strength, I go back to the things that I can definitely know and talk about in a physical sense. For me, it can be hard to listen to that other side- to remind myself of things that resonate internally, despite a lack of physical evidence. I still have questions. Many are in the process of getting answered, and some may take time. Child-like faith is required. That used to be easier for me, even in high school.

 

Tagalog is going well. I am very grateful for my experience, living in Ecuador last summer. I'm semi-familiar with the process of acculmating a language and becoming conversational. ( I was far from being fluent in Spanish, but I was happy with being conversational with people.) I'm grateful that I don't feel stressed about the language. I feel okay about it. I'm getting more comfortable speaking. In the Philippines, I'm sure the first few months will be pretty stressful with the language, but it'll come, only because it has to and I won't really have other options for communicating. : )

 

The other day I met a missionary who was from Iceland. My friend and I went up to him and talked for a few minutes in the cafeteria. I was so excited to talk to him and I said several times, " I just love your country!"  He spoke some icelandic for us, which was beautiful, by the way. He also mentioned that they might be adding another ward in Iceland. Pretty exciting.

 

 

Five fish fight no light, despite their might! (Luke 5)

 

Isaiah 58:10- This was so poignant for me!

 

 

I love you all,

 

Sister Vickers

 

 

 

PS. Katja-I got your letter. SO gutsy. so proud.

 

Melissa- Columbus Day= best day on your calendar ( I didn't know if I had anything this week, so I didn't check.)

 

Tian-  #2. I'll be sending another letter soon! Thank you for your words : )

 

 

 

PPS. If anyone reading this knows Christine Armbruster, tell her that things keep reminding me of her and for her to write me if she can: )

socks para sa akin (This is a pun.)

Hey there,

This has been incredibly difficult for me. I don't want to dive into all of the personal details, but things were feeling pretty bleak. I've been having bad migrines and have been sick for most of the week. I got my eyes checked because the doctor thought that my eyes might be straining to see. I had an exam yesterday, but my eyes were fine. (+.25 on my right eye and +.50 on my left eye.) There is probably a strong correlation with what I'm feeling inside as to what is being manifested physically.

I was thinking about the definition of a 'muslim'- someone who submits themselves to the will of God. That term implies an indescribable degree of humility.

That sounds pretty vague, but I'm in the process of figuring out what it is that my Creator is asking of me. I feel unable to do what is being asked. I don't feel inadequate necessarily- I just don't feel 100% in accordance with what is being asked of me. I am praying for enlightenment. I am praying for understanding.

I am finding it difficult to feel fulfilled. A part of me feels missing, as I've not been able to devote a lot of time and energy into creating- as I have done in the past.

The MTC is a weird place. Some people absolutely love it here and I feel expected to love it and I absolutely don't. I am thinking of it as a means of getting to the Philippines. I don't enjoy the lack of freedom or lack of choice or lack of ability to even cook my food. I have 3 weeks left until I can get on a flight to Manila. It's difficult to sort out my thoughts when I am sick and when I feel a lack of control here. I will have plenty of freedom and choice when I can start living on my own again (with my companion.)

I saw a friend when I went to Lund Optical and it was so bizarre to see downtown Provo. I never thought it would look so spectacular as it did.

I'll respond to your letters individually. Thank you for writing me!

PS.

Tian- Thank you for the package you sent me. I wear the socks almost every night. Thanks for your letter yesterday as well.