Hey there,
This has been incredibly difficult for me. I don't want to dive into all of the personal details, but things were feeling pretty bleak. I've been having bad migrines and have been sick for most of the week. I got my eyes checked because the doctor thought that my eyes might be straining to see. I had an exam yesterday, but my eyes were fine. (+.25 on my right eye and +.50 on my left eye.) There is probably a strong correlation with what I'm feeling inside as to what is being manifested physically.
I was thinking about the definition of a 'muslim'- someone who submits themselves to the will of God. That term implies an indescribable degree of humility.
That sounds pretty vague, but I'm in the process of figuring out what it is that my Creator is asking of me. I feel unable to do what is being asked. I don't feel inadequate necessarily- I just don't feel 100% in accordance with what is being asked of me. I am praying for enlightenment. I am praying for understanding.
I am finding it difficult to feel fulfilled. A part of me feels missing, as I've not been able to devote a lot of time and energy into creating- as I have done in the past.
The MTC is a weird place. Some people absolutely love it here and I feel expected to love it and I absolutely don't. I am thinking of it as a means of getting to the Philippines. I don't enjoy the lack of freedom or lack of choice or lack of ability to even cook my food. I have 3 weeks left until I can get on a flight to Manila. It's difficult to sort out my thoughts when I am sick and when I feel a lack of control here. I will have plenty of freedom and choice when I can start living on my own again (with my companion.)
I saw a friend when I went to Lund Optical and it was so bizarre to see downtown Provo. I never thought it would look so spectacular as it did.
I'll respond to your letters individually. Thank you for writing me!
PS.
Tian- Thank you for the package you sent me. I wear the socks almost every night. Thanks for your letter yesterday as well.