Takbo

Hihihi,

 

Weeks are starting to fly by. I apologize for my letter last week. I was so scatter-brained and I didn't say much of what I wanted to.

 

My companion calls me Vister Sickers (or just Vister for short) instead of Sister Vickers. I decided to name my first cat 'Vister Sickers.'

 

Sometimes my companion and I will make up stories or phrases to help us remember verbs. My favorite is 'takbo' which means 'to run.' We came up with a story about a runner named 'Bo' who would talk a lot while he ran. His trainer would always yell at him, "Don't talk-Bo! Just run!"  haha. 'Inom' and 'Talikod' have some funny stories too. Maybe another day. (I am a little worried about losing Spanish when I get back. Sometimes Spanish words come out instead of Tagalog. Tagalog is so different structurally than Spanish though.) 

 

It's very hard to verbalize the realizations I'm having. I can say that that through studying the scriptures, the gospel has become much more personal than it has ever before. I never seriously studied the scriptures and it was always really hard for me to do consistently. It's always been hard, but now that I have the time set aside for it, I'm really enjoying it.

 

(I have found that since moving to Utah, I haven't really loved or connected with the wards that I went to church at. I didn't really feel a sense of belonging. I don't relate to many aspects of LDS culture in Utah, and as a result, I haven't really felt significantly closer to God.) I have found that through a personal sincere studying of the scriptures, I am receiving a certain kind of enlightenment that I've never experienced before. My prayers are so much more sincere and I feel like it's a beginning of some sort of more pure relationship with my Creator, even if it is just student and teacher, for now. Sometimes, it can be hard to find truth through someone else's filter of opinions, ideas, constructs, fears, etc. and I'm finding that it all feels much more personal now. I think I'm allowing myself to be taught more than before.

 

I have also realized that It's obvious that we chose to listen to what we want to hear-to the things that validate our beliefs, whether right or wrong. Humility seems to be a character trait that we all need more of. (Is truth independent of human beliefs and constructs?)

 

 

Bye for now. Thank you all for your support and love.

 

 

P.S. Melissa--I got your letter and I have one for you. You may have to dig for it though....

 

P.P.S. Copfer-- There's an elder in my zone who knows you. He said that he sat next to you during church one day and you both started talking about music. Elder Keaton Baughan? is his name. cool guy!

wandering from a more exalted sphere

This week has gone by very quickly. Tagalog is coming along and I'm understanding it much better. Speaking comes a bit slower though.

We heard from Richard G. Scott during our devotional last Tuesday. I was grateful for the opportunity to hear from him in a smaller setting than general conference, where their talk has to apply or mostly apply to 12+ million members. His sincerity is profound. It reminded me of Jeffrey Holland.

Sometimes I feel like as a church, we could be better about being a little more sincere when speaking about religion or even other topics. I never understood the need to pretend to be a certain way when speaking. Richard G. Scott got back up after we sung our closing hymn and said very slow and very profound, " I love you.... Not hope, not wish, I know that Christ lives."

It took me back a little. I appreciated and adored his sincerity. He also talked about always having the ability the write ideas down or impressions down that we receive.

I have even more questions than I ever have. I don't have enough time to fully explore them how I'd like, but such is life. I'm having faith that they can get answered. Step by step. Line upon line.

 I'm doing well and I'm finding joy. There are some difficult moments of doubt, but on the whole, I feel like I'm progressing.

Nice story--- The other day I was feeling really confused and unsure about a lot of things. I was at lunch and I prayed for more faith along with other things. Later on, 3 missionaries were sitting across from me and starting practicing a song in Samoan. It was overwhelmingly beautiful and I found it to be such an unexpected source of strength.

 (I miss making/talking about/viewing art!)

I love you all dearly and I love all of your letters!

Ether 12:27

Pananampalataya

Hi,

 

This week has been full of a lot of exciting things- more growth and understanding, I think.

 

People have asked me about the food at the MTC. On the whole, I don't really enjoy it. I eat salads almost every day, but most of the food is fried and not prepared very healthily. As a result, I've actually lost weight since being here, because I don't eat very much. I really miss cooking my own food.

 

 My favorite Tagalog pun this week:

 

pananampalataya= faith

 

My companion and I wrote "Keep the bananampalataya!" on a banana we found in our classroom.

 

 I've a had a lot of vivid dreams this week. I find it hard to be 'here.' I find my thoughts wondering in the past or in the potential future. I'm trying to be in the now, but it's difficult at times, when I miss my family or friends or Eric.

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a friendly prison, but the other day I decided that I should just think of the MTC as a super exclusive school for languages. That way, it seems better! ha!

 

At the temple this morning, I had the opportunity to meditate for a while and it was one the first times being a missionary, that I felt a more pure sense of self. I was able to just 'be.' I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

 

This week I realized that the times when I am singing, or listening to music are the times when the reason why I am here is the most clear to me.

 

Also, I'm not a super emotional person, but I find that often in certain situations, tears come to my eyes without understanding why. Maybe my body is more aware of something divine and I'm missing it. It's not an upset feeling or even a joyful one, but rather an over abudant feeling that I can't identify.

 

 D&C 121:26

1 Corinthians 3:2

 

 Also, I'm still studying the concept of 'grace.' I think it's intrinsically linked to humility. Or maybe the knowledge of 'grace' brings about humility.

 

I'm also still trying to come to a better understanding of the atonement. Any ideas would be appreciated!

 

 I love you all and thank you so much for your letters!

 

 PS. Melissa- I got your box, but it was empty. :( I have something for you though.

Heyeveryonei'mdoingokayandimissyouall

This week has been full of growth for me. Time feels so odd here at the MTC. I feel like I've been gone for months, but it's not even been 2 weeks. The MTC is quite a multicultural place. Everyone says 'hello' in their own languages which is pretty fun. All of the Samoans sing in groups, whenever there is a break and I  wish that I could be Samoan, pretty much on a daily basis.

 

( I feel like I've oversimplified my thoughts, but I hope this still makes sense.) Last night I wrote in my journal:

 

 

"I believe in the power of journeys: personal journeys, spiritual journeys, and even physical journeys. There is so much to be learned, and these journeys that life offers us are incredible opportunities for growth. We chose what to take away from difficult things, whether positive or negative. I believe in growth being a process. I wish I could emphasize that even more. This relates to growth inside or outside of the church. It relates to personal growth and growth in relationships. Line upon line. As an LDS people, we make bold claims about truth, but we must stay humble and realize that if we had everything-all knowledge, that we would be God-like, all-knowing, which certainly isn't the case. There are many concepts in the gospel that I do whole-heartedly believe, and many that are harder for me to accept, but i am again, on a spiritual journey in which I am growing at my own pace.

 

I believe in self-discipline. Being at the MTC has helped me understand this concept even better and has strengthened my belief in the practice of self-discipline. "

 

 

I've been studying the concept of 'faith' in my personal study, and I feel much more enlightened by it. I'm studying the concept of 'grace' now and I hope to continue to grow in that area.

 

I'm grappling with the concept of the atonement, in terms of 'how'  this process works. How does one divine man suffer the sins or pains of another? What kind of transfer occurs, when feelings of guilt/shame/sadness are replaced with feeling of hope/love/charity? Please write me/email me if you have any ideas on this. I understand that it is a concept of faith, but I'm really interested in understanding this more. I understand the 'why' of this, but not the 'how.'

 

I had scriptures that I wanted to include, but i forgot my study journal! yikes! Maybe next week.

Hi family!

Wow. Wow. Wow. This week has been such a ridiculous pile of emotions. I felt terrible and cried the first night. It was so so hard to say goodbye to people I love-probably one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. I think that I was lacking faith-faith in my success, faith in the ability to find joy without loved ones. I decided to look up 'faith' in the topical guide for the scriptures and read every scripture listed. I'm learning to use the scriptures to find peace, which I rarely had done before.

 

 

Since then, life has improved dramatically. The MTC is a place for intense spiritual refinement. I have found that I cannot be as analytical about everything, as I normally am. I simply don't have the time to complete my thoughts how I would like to. I cannot critique everything that is done here, as it is simply preparation for the missionaries. I still have mixed feeling about 'blind obedience,' but here I don't have many options or even time to come up with better ideas, so thus I'm doing my best with this. My companion, Sister Alyssa Stromberg has been such a source of comfort for me. She is studying illustration at BYU and is great to work with. I didn't realize that serving a mission would be so much of learning how to love and work with someone that you may not know that well. We are together all the time. Successful missionaries need to learn to grow and progress with their companion.

 

Learning tagalog has easily been my favorite thing here at the MTC. Our teacher almost never speaks English and it's actually really fun. There are many Spanish cognates, so it makes listening to tagalog a lot easier. We're also using a computer program called TALL, which has been really helpful in learning the language. Yesterday we taught our first investigator in tagalog, which was intensely hilarious, as we had no idea what he was saying. I definitely think that the best way to learn a language is through immersion and working through frustrating experiences, as it forces me to learn faster.

 

You all should look up the 'dear elder' website. I'm not sure how it works, but it allows people to send missionaries emails, and we get them in letter form, delivered twice a day to us. We only get 30 minutes to read our emails once a week and respond which is hardly enough time. If you use the website, then I can have all week to read your letter and then respond with a carefully written, love-filled letter for you! Also, I haven't gotten any mail yet, so this would help with that. :)

 

My first tagalog pun:

Alam ko po = I know that...

Olongapo= the place I will be at in the Philippines

 

Good, huh? I thought it was funny.

 

Anyways, I have felt dramatically better since I've been here. Thank you for praying for me. I love you and can't wait to get your letters!