A few thoughts before I leave...

My testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is one that has been evolving and changing, since childhood. I look back at many things I was taught about the gospel as a child, and it's amusing to me that my idea about Christ seemed to suffice me at age 12, and then at age 16 and then at age 19. It's clear that often I felt complete enough about the gospel, and then retrospectively looking back, I almost laugh at what I didn't know.

I have struggled immensely with certain gospel topics, and looking back I feel like it truly was a difficult, tumultuous time, yet it brought me to place where I feel slightly closer to my Creator; I feel less affected by cultural stigmas, by social constructs and by superficial ideas about what it means to be more Christ-like. To take a step out of my comfort was terrifying, but completely necessary.

I recently read an article by an LDS scholar, Julie J. Nicols. In it, she says, " I have a more complicated testimony about Jesus, one that continues to grow and develop, not because my witness is immature but because Christ is a complicated entity."

It seems that the gospel (and especially the doctrine of Exaltation) is incredibly complex. In regards to certain questions asked, I was often told that because of our humanness, our finite cognitive abilities, that sometimes we can't comprehend God's ways in this life. More than ever, I feel that. It's imperative that we as a Body of Christ, (as believers and non-believers in this religion) understand that at the present, God isn't fully knowable, as we are not like God, or think or behave as God does. As we can become better people- more charitable, more honest, less judgmental, more obedient, etc. I think that it's inevitable that we will grow-that we may literally grow and push and stretch ourselves to obtain higher light and to be closer to the Being that created us.

It's evident that we as a people progress step by step, "line upon line, precept upon precept." My faith and hope is placed in the idea that we as a people have a history of obtaining knowledge, and then living a higher law.

There is more to know. 

The church functions as a means of uplifting and helping people perfect themselves.
Mark 2:17- "They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." The moment that we get caught in pride and claim that we have it all, seems to be the moment when we stop learning and stop becoming like God.

I am literally overwhelmed by the influence in my life of my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother, (together and together only, creating the entity of 'God.' )  I am brought to tears whenever I read 3rd Nephi 17, not because I am a highly emotional person, but because I truly have no other response to that unimaginable beauty and love. The love that Jesus Christ had, that  Divine Being, is incomprehensible to me, and I can only hope that I can understand that better, and hopefully reflect a portion of that love to those I meet on my mission.

Despite arguments against the validity of his teachings and his life, I believe that Joseph Smith interacted with God and received revelation. I believe that God created a means of translating the Book of Mormon, which is truly another testament of our Savior.  May you all keep reflecting divine love and

May we keep transcending!

Nice to see you.

These are emails  to my family, while I serve in the Philippines Olongapo mission, starting September 28.